The Prince Boofhead Syndrome by Michael Carr-Gregg

Author:Michael Carr-Gregg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Non-Fiction
ISBN: 9781743483848
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia

Babies don’t arrive in this world arrogant, lacking empathy or with a chronic sense of entitlement. In fact, we are all born with an innate tendency towards social bonding, kindness and concern for others. Knowing that the environment has a major impact on how our children develop into young adults – that we teach people how to treat us – we need to start modelling resilience and empathy and cultivating these qualities in our children. Here are my top tips for raising resilient, empathetic boys:

Show your son that you love him whether he wins or loses. Praise effort as well as achievement. Self-esteem is stronger and deeper when a child realises their self-worth doesn’t hinge on perfection and, better still, that a slight mistake or failure doesn’t render him useless. If he sees himself as loveable and good regardless of what he can or can’t do, he will do the same in his own relationships.

Let your boys experience adversity. Let them learn that they can handle it and, in the process, develop compassion for themselves and others.

Foster a relationship with a supportive, charismatic adult. It could be an uncle, a family friend, a coach, or a trusted teacher. All boys who do well have one of these relationships.

Let him take responsibility for his contribution to disappointing outcomes. Symptoms of not being able to take responsibility include the infuriating trait of changing the goalposts in a conversation, rather than acknowledging and taking responsibility for what has been said or done. Make sure you are not guilty of doing this either!

Be your own hero. Make sure there is enough going on in your own life that you are not living vicariously through your son’s. For Prince Boofhead, each of his talents and exploits is also a source of self-esteem for his proud parents. Instead, he needs you to focus on his internal, emotional experiences. Be careful, though, if he is used to only receiving praise for his exploits. If this changes, he may perceive the shift as a punishment or evidence that he isn’t good enough. Use your words wisely.

Never put up with intimidating or violent behaviour, even if it seems trivial or insignificant. Communicate with him in a calm manner that is not belittling, patronising or condescending. Help him learn to solve problems without using aggression.

If violence, mental illness and substance abuse are interfering with normal adolescent development and family safety, seek professional help from a psychologist, mental health professional or family support service. Family support and connections make a vital different to outcomes at this stage of development.

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